4 Minutes To Save The World

“The time is waiting/We only got 4 minutes to save the world/No hesitating”

-4 Minutes, Madonna f. Justin Timberlake & Timbaland

I was listening to AT40 with Ryan Seacrest this morning while I was getting ready to go out for Mother’s Day brunch, and he was doing a phone interview with Madonna about her new album “Hard Candy,” among other things.  When I was brushing my teeth, Madonna started talking about what it was like to collaborate with Justin Timberlake, Timbaland, and/or Pharrell on songs like “Four Minutes (To Save The World)”.  Specifically, that the first thought that came into her head when she had an idea for a lyric or a melody was:  “I don’t wanna say it, I don’t wanna share it, ’cause they might think it’s stupid.”

I ran out of the bathroom with my toothbrush clamped between my right bicuspids to write this down on a post-it.  I’ve had this thought many times.  But, dude, she’s Madonna.  I love when famous people cop to having fear and insecurity.  Because it’s like:  it’s not easy.  Success is often propped up as this perfect, gleaming finished product and you don’t see all the hard work underneath it, which makes it look like some people are meant for success and others aren’t.  You either got it or you don’t, Baby.  But underneath all the shiny success is a big ol’ mess, made up of fear, insecurity, vulnerability, self-doubt, others-doubt, and most likely underneath every really big success story, is a really big mound of failure that was necessary to endure to get there.  The mistakes that had to happen to get it, finally, right.

How many times have you almost said something, almost wrote something, almost did something, but in a flash, worried what others would think of you?  Worried that they might think it/you were stupid, or worse, that it/you might actually be stupid.  And as a result, didn’t say/write/do anything at all…

If Madonna can feel vulnerable and be afraid that people will think her creative ideas are stupid, and still accomplish all she has, it shows that it’s possible to move through your fear and say it anyway.  Write it anyway.  Do it anyway.

I have so much to say.  And I’m tired of keeping it to myself. 

We all have so much to say, so much to contribute, and I’m guessing that every day there’s a million ways, big and small, that we hold ourselves back.  Bite our tongues.  Keep it inside.

So let it out.  The time is waiting.  Say it.  Write it.  Do it.  Someone might think it’s stupid.  A lot of people might think it’s stupid.  But then again, if enough people share what they really think, and who they really are, no hesitating, we just might save the world.

Dancing (Awkwardly) With the Stars: A Brand-New Beginner Takes the Stage

Hey there! Well, I’ve been away from blogging for a few months but I’m back, and yes, it is my other favorite dance-reality show that has brought me back: Dancing With the Stars, which premiered tonight as part of ABC Premiere Week.

One of my initial thoughts about this season (after: I can’t believe Beverly Hills 90201 was half my lifetime ago! It seems like just yesterday I was at my BFF Kate’s house eating Ben & Jerry’s cookie dough ice cream and pondering the age-old question – “Who’s cuter – Dylan or Brandon?”) popped into my head while Josie Maran was receiving a scathing critique from the judges. She was smiling in that multi-purpose way, when a smile is used to cover up other, un-happy emotions, and I swear I thought I saw her gulp down some tears. The judges told her, among other things, that she was “out of her element.” Curious, I looked up her element in her bio, and it turns out that it is: supermodel/actress/entrepreneur/activist and new mom. Hmmm. Seems like quite a big element to me. And these are the things that she is good – probably even exceptional – at.

This leads me to one of the reasons that I like (love) this show – it takes people who have achieved some level of success in a various area(s), rips them out of their element, and then plunks them smack-down into a new element, where Olympic athletes and Indianapolis 500 champions and supermodel/actress/entrepreneur/activist/new moms must be, once again, brand-new beginners.

While Josie was gracefully taking her critique, even though she had been less than graceful on the dance floor, I wondered, “Why would she put herself through this? She has already proven herself in a ton of highly competitive and/or challenging realms, why would she subject herself to being such an awkward beginner? Like, in front of people???”

Well, some things are worth busting out of your comfort zone for, and in her pre-dance video package, Josie stated that she went on this show to fulfill her lifelong dream of “being a rockstar without the singing.” I admire her for following her passion even when it took her away from proven success and back to the beginning, and for attempting something so new, so imperfectly in a very public arena.

This awkward, imperfect, new beginner phase is one that most of us would rather skip. However, trying to avoid it is what can keep us trapped in the familiar ruts of things that we are already good at, but that may no longer challenge, serve, and/or inspire us, when our potential is really so much greater.

For instance, I love to write. And there are certain forms that I feel comfortable and confident writing, such as plays, and blogging. I know how to do it, and I have gotten positive feedback to reinforce this. There are other forms that I am totally unfamiliar with, but would like to explore. However, to do this, I have to be willing to be…bad. I have to be willing to take critique, and it might be harsh. I have to be willing to fail. I have to be willing to not know. This is, unfortunately, the only way to learn something new, and to (gulp!) grow.  Reminiscent of that other fine ABC program of years past, Growing Pains…

I am not a person who likes not knowing, who enjoys being awkward and imperfect and mistake-ridden. But tonight on Dancing With the Stars Josie Maran reminded me that if I want to “be a rockstar without singing,” I have to be willing to streeeettttttttttch and 5-6-7-8 Dance! outside of my comfort zone by being a teetering, awkward, messy, imperfect, uncomfortable beginner. Ick.

While me trying something new doesn’t involve Cha-Cha-Cha-ing in front of millions, it is never fun to fail in front of small groups either, or even in front of a crowd of one.  However, Josie Maran’s awkward, botched Foxtrot gave me a little kick of inspiration to step out into a new element myself.  And maybe if Josie keeps it up, she will be able to add dancer to the end of her already impressive title and be a supermodel/actress/entrepreneur/activist/new mom/dancer.  And if I keep it up, who knows what I can become.  As Thomas Edison, one who was on intimate terms with failure (he had over 10,000 of them), said, “If we did all the things we were capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.”

This month, give it a whirl and astound yourself!

Other random Dancing thoughts, in no particular order:

1) It’s so great to see Mel B. on the scene – I wanted to BE Scary Spice in 1997. Click herefor a reminder of why the Spice Girls were the coolest evah, circa 1996 (“Yo, I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want…”) or here for a heart-felt ballad (“Set your spirit free, it’s the only way to be…”).

2) Jane Seymour is the oldest woman to ever be on Dancing With the Stars at 56 and she rocks!!!  I saw an interview with her on Access Hollywood (Yes, I watch this.  Rarely, but I do) where she said she had thought about getting plastic surgery prior to going on Dancing but then she decided to be honest about what a 56-year-old woman looks like.  Hooooorayyyyyyyy!  She looks gorgeous and is a fantastic dancer and she rocks like, SO MUCH!

3a) What’s a Cheetah Girl, and

3b) Did you notice Sabrina Bryan used some form of the word “Cheetah” as an adjective, and a verb, and maybe even an adverb? Kinda like the idea behind “Smurfalicious.”

AND, as a sidenote, The Bachelor premiered tonight, and ABC is touting this season’s Bachelor, Brad Womack, as “the sexiest/best looking Bachelor yet/ever (depending on the promo).” So much to absorb in one night…

Enjoy Premiere Week!

xoxo,

Jen

I’d love to hear from you! What did you think of tonight’s Dancing? Do you have something new you want to branch out and try but you’re afraid of being an awkward beginner? And who’s cuter – Dylan or Brandon?

Copyright © 2007 by Jennifer Garam. All rights reserved.

The Glorious Success of Failure

Yesterday I saw a panel at The Tribeca Film Festival all about Superheroes. Zak Penn, a notably successful screenwriter, whose credits, notably, include the X-Men 2 & 3 movies, was one of the panelists, and during the Q&A at the end, a woman asked the panel if there were plans to feature a strong female superhero anytime soon. Zak responded by saying something to effect of: “Well, hey, I made Elektra, and that sucked!”

This, caught my attention.

He then went on to detail the mistakes he had made with that movie, and how he could have made it differently, and perhaps, better.

This set off a sequence of flashbacks in my mind, and I recalled how at several times throughout the panel, Penn had tossed off casual references to “failures” he had been a part of, to standing up for things he felt strongly about against the studios and then “being fired,” to a “big mistake” he had made on X-Men, and then, in my mind, this little failure montage culminated with his Elektra comment.

I could not believe he was copping to so many mistakes and failures! And he is a successful screenwriter! It was so refreshing!

Our society presents success as a finished product and props it up on display for the rest of us to Oooohhhhh and Ahhhhhhhhh over. I know deep down that every new venture takes trial and error, but I don’t often spend much time actually contemplating this truth, or how it could relate to me, and my life. The conditioning that success is born of success is that strong. But. This isn’t true. Success is actually born of failure. And sometimes. Of lots and lots of failure.

How this relates to me personally is fairly obvious – I hate rejection. I can sometimes be afraid to even try something new unless I have a pre-guarantee that it will be a smashing, well-received, success.

However. Failure can be, and often is, the catalyst for an ever greater success. A few years ago, when I decided that I absolutely must be a writing teacher and that this was my passion, I applied to several MFA Graduate School Programs. Many of you already know how this story ends. I got rejected from all of them, and was devastated that my dream of teaching writing would never come to be. Until. I decided to start my own company and teach the writing workshops that I wanted to teach, exactly the way I wanted to teach them. I believe that my success, and my feeling of pride in what I do, is so much greater because I was able to create it for myself, according to my own terms, and in line with my own passions, even after others had told me, quite definitively: “No!”

I was struck by how powerful it was for a successful writer to be publicly cataloging his mistakes and failures, and reminding me that every project I undertake does not have to have a pre-guarantee of fabulous and absolute success. Every project does not even have to succeed, as long as I can learn from my failures and use them as catalysts for even greater future successes. Reminding me how powerful it is to step out, with your enthusiasm and your passion behind you and within you, get really messy, and maybe just…fail. But do so gloriously, courageously, and even…successfully. To take a chance, because there is no way to succeed without lots of big, glorious, juicy, and sometimes even humiliatingly sucky failures under your belt, and there is not one Success Story out there who doesn’t have their share of disastrous mistakes paving their path to success.

Have a great weekend! Live large, and take a chance on failure!

And if you want to share one of YOUR glorious successful failure stories, you can do so right here! I’d love to hear from you!

Lots of love!

Jen xoxoxo

Copyright © 2007 by Jennifer Garam.  All rights reserved.