Back That Thing Up!

18 Apr

This morning, as I was stepping off the subway on my way to work, I went flying in one direction while my left flip-flop went flying in quite another, and this was before I was even fully awake, and had only had a half a cup of not nearly strong enough coffee.  My first thought was, “Oh, shit, my flip-flop probably fell in between the subway and the platform and I’ll have to hobble to work on my right flip-flopped foot and left barefooted toe (Ooops!  There goes my catastrophic thinking again!).

What really happened was, a woman was walking right up behind me and stepped on my flip-flop and held it down unbeknownst to me, while I continued to walk.  I then found myself in a position I never wanted to be in:  barefoot on an NYC subway platform.

My flip-flop did NOT fall between the train and the platform, and while I was still totally startled and pre-caffeinated, this woman handed me my shoe, mumbled, “Sorry,” without ever making eye contact, and kept on walking.

And now, a word:  if you TAKE SOMEONE’S SHOE OFF, YOU ARE WALKING TOO CLOSE BEHIND THEM & YOU NEED TO BACK THAT SHIT UP!  Why is everyone in such a rush and invading others’ personal space/shoes?  Why can’t we all just slow down, be civil, and not run each other over before 9 (OK, 9:15) am?

And don’t even get me started, DON’T EVEN GET ME STARTED on the guys that spread their legs and sprawl over seven seats on the subway while I have my arms & legs crossed, am curled up in a little ball, and balancing on one/eighth of one butt cheek.  Although lately, I have been observing that some woman are now doing this spread-eagle sprawled thing on the subway, too, and half of me is like, “You go, Girl, claim your territory!” and the other half of me is like, “Um, could you give a Sister some space here, the other seven/eighths of my booty would like a place to rest!”

 Copyright © 2008 by Jennifer Garam

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