The More You Love Yourself, The Better Your Life Gets, Or Why I HEART My Self-Help Water Bottle

2 Oct

 Lululemonwaterbottle

WRITEOUS CHICKS  NEWSLETTER – October 2009 

“Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.” – Lululemon water bottle

My friend Karen got me the Lululemon water bottle with lots of inspiring quotes on it for my birthday last month.  I love my Lululemon water bottle.  I call it my self-help water bottle.  I love self-help.  I am a self-help junkie.  If I could mainline self-help, I would.  I like, and possibly need, to have constant inspiration and uplifting messages coming at me, because, my mind does not necessarily default this positive place.  Some places my mind likes to default to are feelings of hopelessness and victimhood and depression.  So I have to help it out as much as possible.

I carry my Lululemon water bottle around with me almost everywhere – to yoga, meetings, and prop it up on my desk during the day.  Since I got this water bottle, I feel so good that I am saving so much money now that I am not buying bottled water, am helping out the environment, am drinking so much more water now than I used to pre-bottle, and also, I am face-to-bottle with positive quotes all day long.  I like to pick up my water bottle at random times and discover a new quote.  This week, for the first time I saw this one:  “Your outlook on life is a direct reflection of how much you like yourself.”  This is my new favorite quote.  It struck me as so simple and yet so amazingly true.  And if this is true, then if you want a better life, you just have to like yourself more, and why not really go for it, really go for the full, awesome, big, bold juicy life of your dreams and desires, by LOVING yourself.  Like, a lot.  Like, more than anything else in the whole-wide-world.  Just totally, completely, absolutely, cherish, nurture, and adore yourself, and see what happens…

Let me just say that I have had moments, long moments, of being pretty self-loathing.  And when I am in that state, it is really hard for me to handle anything; even the smallest disappointments like just missing a subway can feel like the most painful affront to my soul.  What I am learning is that self-love is at the core of building a super-strong foundation for yourself so that you can handle the ups and downs of life, without feeling like you are at the mercy of the world, being tossed around by some crazy topsy-turvy and mean roller coaster ride. 

What I have seen, through teaching my classes and talking to friends, is that we are all so unmercifully hard on ourselves, we can all love ourselves more, and there is always more love, and compassion, and forgiveness that we can bestow on ourselves.  And loving yourself means being on your own side, even when you make mistakes, even when you are a flawed imperfect human being, even when you feel like you are filled with darkness when you wish you were always bright and cheery, even when you are at your worst, and lowest, and feel like a fucked up mess and are scared that you always will be.  Loving yourself means that you can expand your heart enough to hold all of yourself in it – the light and the dark, the joy and the pain, the beautiful and the ugly.  Knowing that no matter what, no matter what the roller coaster of the world, and circumstances that can be shitty, and other people, throw at you, you will never ever betray yourself or turn against yourself.  You will remain centered and secure, safe and strong in your own self-love.

I have worked hard at loving myself and have come a long way.  I still have moments of disliking myself and all that comes with, but they are fewer and farther between.  Recently I had some disappointments that a few years ago, and possibly even six months ago, would have taken me out, would have left me curled up under my covers crying for days, and exercising my right to take mental health days off from work.  But I love myself so much more now than I did then, that I don’t get wiped out so easily anymore.  I can feel the sadness and disappointment and pain and still love myself, and know that I can take it and I will be OK.  I can hold it all in my heart and not let sadness and disappointment and pain convince me that I am unlovable, or not deserving of love, from others and most importantly, from myself.

And here’s the thing:  when you love yourself, you can handle everything more, the bad and the good.  When you dislike or disapprove of yourself in any way, it is extremely difficult to be resilient and rebound from life’s challenges.  But also, when you dislike and disapprove of yourself, it is extremely difficult to allow great things and people and circumstances into your life.  Because you feel on some level that you don’t deserve it, so you sabotage yourself or push it away or terrorize yourself with thoughts of worry and unworthiness so much, that even if whatever that great thing is does squeak through your self-hatred and into your life, you don’t let yourself enjoy it for one second.

So practice loving yourself.  Love yourself a little more today than you did yesterday, a little more in this moment than you did a moment ago.  Be ever generous with the love you give yourself.  Be kind to yourself where before you would have snapped at yourself, be soft and gentle where you used to be hard and harsh, forgive yourself where you used to be unforgiving.  Practice and grow your love for yourself stronger and stronger all the time.  This love will waiver, and harshness and hate will try to sneak back in and still, love yourself then, and through that.  Go back go back go back go back to it always.  And watch yourself become strong and stable where you used to feel weak and insecure, and at the mercy of others and life.  And watch yourself being able to handle the sadness, disappointments, and pain better, and being able to handle more wonderful things in your life, and allow them in, and enjoy them, knowing deeply that you are worthy of it all.  And watch…with anticipation, excitement, and joy…as your life just keeps getting better…and better…and better….

Wishing you a magnificent October, and so much love for yourself!

Lots of love!

Jen xoxo

Copyright © 2009 by Jennifer Garam

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4 Responses to “The More You Love Yourself, The Better Your Life Gets, Or Why I HEART My Self-Help Water Bottle”

  1. Lenore October 2, 2009 at 5:03 pm #

    Jen,

    I so needed to hear this today, great insights and wonderful, honest, brilliant writing as always . This should be published in mags for teens and women, you should have column in Self or Marie Clair or maybe Seventeen.

  2. jen roy October 6, 2009 at 3:11 pm #

    hi jen! it’s jen 🙂
    love this!!! most important lesson i too have learned so far – and it really all happened in the last year! could not agree more!! see you soon xoxo.

  3. Vicki October 21, 2009 at 2:07 pm #

    I loved this too, very uplifting and inspiring–thank you!

  4. Deb October 23, 2009 at 12:48 pm #

    Hey Jen,
    I can’t do the workshop, but clicked on the link and read this awesome piece. You made my day! You are one wise woman! Everything you need, you already know.
    Live BIG!

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