Archive | July, 2010

In Memory

23 Jul

“…I have trouble accepting the fact that you’re gone…so I won’t.  It’ll be like…we went for a while without seeing each other…I miss you.”  -DMX

An old friend of mine died in a tragic accident recently.  I hadn’t seen him for years, but at one time he was a big part of my life.  We were last in touch over six years ago.  Since then, I’d think of him from time-to-time, but even when I wasn’t thinking of him, he was still there.  In my memories and my experiences, in the ways he’d encouraged me and inspired me, in who I’d been and who I’d become.  And I just knew it.  He was there.  Somewhere.  And this gave me stability and security and comfort.  It gave me grounding, just that he existed.  That he had been there in the past and he was there now and he would be there in the future.

And when he died, I felt the balance of the world shift.  Even though he wasn’t in my day-to-day life, I felt the emptiness where he used to be.  That person with those specific traits and mannerisms and qualities and quirks no longer exists.  And without him here, a part of me, the part that existed only in relation to him, in interactions with him, is gone, too.  For me and every single other person whose life he touched, that piece of ourselves that was connected to who he was in the world is gone.

It’s too big to even comprehend really.  It hits me in waves and flashes.  Not all at once.  Because that would be unbearable.  The loss I feel, the emptiness where he used to be, is tremendous.