The Believe In Yourself Even When You Don’t Think You Can Challenge

“Don’t stop believing, hold on to that feeling.” -Journey

Sometimes in my life, I feel like I am being tested.  Because I am getting the same lesson from so many different places, at so many different times, and in so many different ways, that it is just impossible for me to ignore it.  I have to pay attention to it.  I have to (sigh) learn my lesson.

Lately, I have been getting a lot of rejection.  On several different projects and ventures.  In my writing and in my business and in my life.  I am experiencing more rejection than I normally do.  A lot more.  And, on the bright side, this is because I am putting my writing, my business, and my life out there a lot more than I usually do.  Which is, usually, not a lot.  Because I don’t like rejection.  I actually have an extremely low tolerance for it.

But let me tell you, it does not feel good.  It feels really really really bad.  Especially because, even though I know on a logical, intellectual level that these rejections are not a rejection of me, as a person, that is not at all how it feels, on an emotional, rejected level.  And, I am at the point, or somewhat past the point actually, where, in the past, I would stop.  I would retreat.  I would curl up in a ball and tend to my emotional wounds, and maybe just…forget about that project or piece of writing or business venture or part of myself.  Maybe just…conveniently let it go.  Because it hurt too much to hold on and keep trying.  Because I couldn’t take anymore rejection.  So I might just go back to not trying that hard, not believing that much, in myself or what I could do, and smoosh myself into a smaller, more mediocre version of my life, and while I was there, smooshed in a ball, maybe I would chide myself for even hoping to believe for one second that more was possible.

So.  Here I am.  At that point, or slightly past it, where things are not feeling so good.  Where people are rejecting me (oops, I mean, my writing, my ideas, etc.) on what feels like a daily basis.  Or even worse, I am putting things out into a void, pouring my heart and soul into ideas and projects and just getting…the radio silence version of rejection.

However.  I am trying to break out of old patterns and limitations.  I am achy from being smooshed in a too small, disbelieving life.  My conditioning wants me to believe the rejection.  It is so convincing, and so seductive.  I can start to hear the (brash) internal voice piping in with, “See, what’s the point?  Why would you even think that this was possible?  You should just go back to that old way you know so well… don’t you like it in that cozy little ball?  It hurts so much less there!  Come on, do it do it do it!  Give up!”

And it occurred to me one day, when I felt the rejection sweeping in at me from so many different angles I felt like I was being pulverized by it, that I am being forced to raise my game.  I am being forced to have so much more internal strength than I’ve ever had before.  I am being forced to believe in myself when I do not think I can, when I don’t feel like I have it in me anymore, when all I want to do is make it not hurt and it seems like the only way to do that is to believe the rejection and give up.  And am being forced to cultivate a belief in myself that is so strong and fiery and fierce that it can persevere even in the face of this.

That I have a choice to go back to how I’ve always been, and put those ideas and projects and parts of myself in the back of a dark drawer and “forget” about them for a few years.  But I am achy from being smooshed, and I just can’t go back to that curled up ball again.  So I have to pick what’s behind Curtain #2, which is stoking the fire of my self-belief like you cannot believe!

Like most people, I get caught up in letting my self-image be determined by what others think of me.  So when I (I mean, my writing, my ideas, etc.) get rejected, that is what I believe.  But now I am being forced to doubt that, to say and feel and mean that I do not accept that as my internal reality.  That, no matter what is going on around me and no matter how many rejections or radio silences I get and no matter how bad it feels, I am going to make the radical decision to believe in myself anyway. I am going to stretch out and feel the full length of all my limbs, reaching for new possibilities, and refusing to accept the old limitations anymore.

What happens when your self-belief gets challenged?  How much rejection can you take, and when is your breaking point to revert to old patterns?  How you can break free from your former limitations and believe in yourself no matter what?  What strategies do you have for persevering even in the face of extreme rejection and disappointment?  Do you accept the rejection, or do you accept The Believe In Yourself Even When Don’t Think You Can Challenge? And post a comment if you’d simply like to pledge your belief in yourself, no matter what! I’d love to hear your thoughts and experiences on overcoming rejection and believing in yourself, please share your Journey 😉

Internal Theme Song Du Jour!

I’ve started picking an internal theme song for the day.  I often feel like I am in the movie or music video of my life anyway, and have songs running through my mind or through my headphones throughout the day, so this is a fun little way to make it official.

Last week, my first Internal Theme Song of the Day was “Don’t Stop Believing” by Journey.  On Wednesday it was “Break My Stride” by Matthew Wilder and I highly recommend watching this video if you, like me, desperately longed to be a Solid Gold Dancer at any time in your life.  Or if you still long for this…  That night, I walking home from the subway singing “Break My Stride” out loud (sometimes my internal theme songs leak out externally), when a car drove by BLASTING “Don’t Stop Believing,” and I felt like the stars were somehow aligned and all was well in the Universe. 

Yesterday’s song was “Right to Be Wrong” by Joss Stone.  I especially like these lyrics:  “I’ve got a right to be wrong, my mistakes will make me strong.  I’m stepping out into the great unknown, I’m feeling wings though I’ve never flown…Got a right to be wrong, I’ve been held down too long, I got to break free, so I can finally breathe.  Got a right to be wrong, gotta sing my own song, I might be singing out of key, but it sure feels good to me.”  Sing it, Girl!  I like it in part because I’m working on my wings…

Today I started out my day having a POWER breakfast with some POWER ladies, a group of fabulous, inspiring, supportive creative friends, which gave me such a BOOST right at the start of my day, and made today’s theme song choice obvious:  “I’ve Got the Power” by Snap.  Which reminds of when my sister was on a mission to bring back “Oh, Snap!” (It never took off as a revival.)  And also brings back vague memories of wearing a wool sweater, short pleated skirt, and green lollipops and dancing to this song for dance team or cheerleading in high school.  Or maybe it was just playing in the background when I was standing around a keg holding a red plastic Dixie cup post-game.  Ahh, the early 90’s….

And this leads me to Part Two of the Internal Theme Song Du Jour – The Dance Break.  By no means is this required, but if you can take a 5 minute dance break to your internal theme song that’s the bonus track!  You can do this walking down the street or on the subway, in your chair at work, or, if all else fails, in your mind.  Or, one of the most fun ways to do it is to blast the video on YouTube in your co-worker’s office and have a GROUP dance party (I’ve done this and it’s a great way to get a boost during a slump without sugar or caffeine!).

Also important to note is that this is a low pressure thing, so no need to come up with a new song every day if you don’t feel like it.  You can stick with your Internal Theme Song Du Jour for a day, a week, a month, a year, whatever!  It’s YOUR LIFE so create YOUR OWN PLAYLIST!  You can play your song in your head on your commute, while you are doing errands or mundane tasks, or while you are someplace you don’t want to be – it’s like affirmations, but set to music!  Try it, it’s fun!  And it will launch you into the starring role in the MUSIC VIDEO OF YOUR LIFE!!!

What’s your song today?

TURN IT UP & ROCK IT OUT!!!